My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
