Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
