i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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