I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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