bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
