U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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