do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
