My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
