the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
