i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
