Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
