Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
