When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
