Sober January is a disaster.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
