Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
