You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
