Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
