i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
