i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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