I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
