Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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