So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
