You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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