I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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