At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
