I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
