Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
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