Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
