I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Is it because I queefed?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
