Welp...herpes.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
