Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
