he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
