She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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