she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
