I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
