Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
