As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
