i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
