found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
