I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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