I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
