I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I will pee on everything he values.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
