at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
