Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
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Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
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Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me