At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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