Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
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I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
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I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....