I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
