I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
