Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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