Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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