I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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