dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
