No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
