Plan B is the new Plan A
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
