I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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