I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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