i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
