FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
