No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
