So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
