Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
