Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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