I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
