i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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