I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
