Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
