since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
