I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
