"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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