i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
