My balls are so social today.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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