I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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