cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
