dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
