i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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